i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
