You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
