I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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