the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
