i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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