Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize