its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
