captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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