Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
