did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
