Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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