I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
