you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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