the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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