I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
