I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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