i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
