I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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