Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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