pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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