Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
