I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
high people should be assigned attendants
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
