So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
