it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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