So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
