If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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