it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
