i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
