I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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