every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize