Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
