There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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