She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
