walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
