i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
