you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
