yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize