I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
