"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
