I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
