Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
