I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
