everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize