i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
