woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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