if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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