After last night, I could never be a politician.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
