dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pants are for mortals
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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