Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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