reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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