By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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