She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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