he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
