True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
