The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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