my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
