Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
