Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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