So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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