I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
