I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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