that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
