Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
40s are totally the cure
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
