I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
