Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
