He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
