So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I understand Curling. That high.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
