there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
