I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
