I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
