I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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