Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Duck Duck Cougar?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
