It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
