You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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