Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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