Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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