Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have post one night stand depression
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