i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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