He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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